One of the hardest parts of unschooling is letting go of the “should’s” — particularly should’s about the kids and what they “should” know or “should” do by this age.
Our girls LOVE to play with dolls. When given a choice on how to spend their time, they pick playing dolls. In some ways, I love that they play with dolls as it represents so many fabulous qualities: childhood innocence, creativity, imagination, storytelling, improvisation, and collaboration. Not to mention they do a ton of processing and integrating the experiences we have while traveling through their games.
In other ways, I tell myself stories about their doll playing that make me afraid: Aren’t they too old? Shouldn’t they be wanting to do something more mature? How is playing with dolls going to transfer later in life?
This internal struggle is part of my own unschooling process. I am working to find total peace with, and acceptance of, who they are, what they love, and how they want to spend their time. And to do so without fear, without the need to control, without knowing if or how it will benefit them in the future.
I asked the girls today what they like about playing with dolls. P responded, “you never know what’s going to happen!”
Marc Bekoff, an American biologist and author says:
“Play is training for the unexpected.”
If there is anything I’m sure of, it’s that the future will be full of the unexpected! And, of course, that’s already their favorite part!
So play on my sweet daughters. Laugh. Invent. Craft incredible stories. Go on amazing adventures. Be surprised by what happens.
And I’ll do my best not to irrupt your “best game ever!”
[And for the record, T’s laughing so hard at Ginny Weasley going to the dance with the Nimbus 2000 as her date.]
“Serendipity: the aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident.”
I always thought of serendipity as being luck based… that my only role in having a serendipitous experience was to be open to having one. Of course, intention and desire were hanging around, but I didn’t assign them a causal relationship.
This definition in the dictionary shifted the way I’m looking at our serendipitous encounters over the past few months. Our aptitude for such amazing discoveries, is born of intention, desire, openness, and presence.
We set out on this journey with a lot of details unplanned, calendars unscheduled, and routes unmapped. Our intention was for open space to allow for new possibilities and make desirable discoveries.
One of our first activities just south of Portland, was spending time with our friend Cynthia in Eugene. She shared with us about events in her life described as fortuitous serendipity. We spent some time defining both those terms for the girls. I had no idea that her theme would become one for us as well.
Our first serendipitous event happened the day after talking with Cynthia about this very concept.
The fall weather predictions were showing unusually sunny weather on the Oregon Coast, so we decided to head toward Coos Bay. I knew my friend Amber had moved to Coos Bay, and that she was working on an art and food festival of some sort, but I hadn’t talked to her much since she’d left, nor did I know much about the festival.
As we pulled into Coos Bay, I texted her to let her know we were in town, and that we’d love to see her. We were at the co-op in Coos Bay to stock up on groceries for dinner when her text reply came through. The festival was in its third day… she was on her way to a film screening (of “Biggest Little Farm”), and the screening was taking place in 30 minutes, about 3 blocks from where we were standing. I’d seen previews for the movie, and had really wanted to see it on a big screen, but had missed it when it came through Portland. Yet, here we were… 3 blocks and 30 minutes away from seeing a friend and a movie that was high on my list.
In Coos Bay with our first serendipitous discovery
We were excited at the serendipity of it all. So we changed our dinner plans, went over to the theater, enjoyed an AMAZING movie, and then had a fun dinner afterwards with Amber. It turns out, that movie continues to have an impact on our thinking about food, connections to experiences as we travel, and relationships with Great Pyrenees dogs!
Great Pyrenees dogs at Sarah and Travis’ farm in Ashland
There have been so many desirable discoveries along the way… amazing museums we’d never heard of, parks that were recommended, invitations from strangers to join them or stay and learn more, waking up to find a wild animal shelter next to our campground (that gave us a tour) or that we’re parked next to a huge solar array that a friend is invested in.
My favorite serendipities usually involve other people. Recently, in Tucson we visited their amazing farmer’s market to fill the fridge with farm-to-market goodies. As we were packing up, getting ready to leave, a woman stopped by the van. She told us that she pulled an Oracle card that morning with the “Serenity” on it… and here at the market was a giant van with the name “Serenity” written on the side of it. She took it as a sign.
We invited her in for a tour, and we had a great conversation with her. Turns out, she also worked with a friend of ours from Portland! Erica is well-traveled and gave us a number of great recommendations of places to go and things to do in Arizona and New Mexico including Patagonia Lake State Park and the Chiricahua National Monument — both stops that were excellent additions to our collection.
Striking up conversations have also led to serendipities. When in the Gila Hot Springs area, we weren’t excited about the campground we’d found online. We stopped at a nearby market, where a dad and his two kids were having ice cream outside. I stopped to ask him where they were staying and what he recommended. He told us about a fabulous campground, right on the river, with beautiful, outdoor hot tub pools. It turned out to be the perfect place to stay!
Sometimes doing the things you love bring fun serendipities. In Truth or Consequences, NM I took a yoga class one evening. At the class, I met the man who owns the hotel next door to the yoga studio. We struck up a conversation, and he asked where we were staying. Not knowing who he was, I was lamenting the cost of the super cool (but super pricey) resort where we were staying and told him that we’d likely not stay in TorC long because we couldn’t find a kid-friendly, cost-effective place to stay. He immediately offered that we could park in his hotel’s parking lot, and use the hot tub facilities at the hotel.
His generous offer allowed us to stay and soak and relax and enjoy the cute town of TorC for several more days. I’m so grateful that I listened to my strong desire to get to yoga that night — otherwise, I never would have made this serendipitous encounter.
Even going out to lunch can turn into a serendipity. While making a quick stop for pizza in Dallas, the restaurant manager saw us taking an interest in reading about the history of pizza. He surprisingly invited us to tour the restaurant and learn about how Neapolitan pizza is made!
Some people are used to traveling this way. For us (over-planning Virgos) its a new way of moving through the world. It takes a lot of trust. We are practicing letting go of the need to control and know where we’re going to be or what we’re going to do to keep the space open for these possibilities to emerge.
These are the big life lessons we hoped would come out of this adventure. And while this aptitude could still be expanded, we’ve come a long way already.
The closer I look, less I see things clearly. What was once easily put into the categories of right or wrong, quickly becomes both/and. The 36th President, Lyndon B Johnson, is such a great example of this.
Apparently, LBJ had a very close range for personal space
LBJ was a tremendous leader — gave us incredible bills that helped change everything from civil rights to environmental protection to early childhood education. The story he wanted told of his legacy was that he loved all people of this country, and wanted to make a great society. And in many ways, he was wildly successful at meeting that goal. So many of the things that make the US a wonderful place to live, are here because of legislation that LBJ made happen.
A replica of his Oval Office, with the original furniture
The legacy that is not included in his museums and national parks, are the stories about his sexual harassment, his extramarital affairs, his vulgarities and regular use of the “n” word. He was lewd, crude, a racist, and often slimy. While he won the presidency with the widest popular vote in modern history, he boosted the number of Americans who fought and died in Vietnam and was highly unpopular as a result and didn’t seek a second term.
On the porch swing of LBJ’s boyhood home
He was great except for all the places where he wasn’t. It’s so easy to tell just one side of the story — the good or the bad depending on what side agrees with you more. Learning about LBJ is such a great reminder that everything and everyone has multiple sides to the story, that everything and everyone are a both/and.
With Air Force One-Half
Seeing this both/and about LBJ and his politics has lessons for me that are applicable to my thoughts about current events as well.
The “Texas White House”
T picked up a card in town after our tour of the ranch that had a quote from MLK Jr. On it:
“We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.
Maybe when we stop hating our enemies, the mental energy that frees up will help us to imagine new ways of all being together on this planet.
We saw so much in January. According to the map, we drove for 30 hours and covered 1,800 miles. We focused mostly on two states (Arizona and New Mexico), although technically we started the month in Las Vegas, NV.
New Year’s fireworks over the strip in Las Vegas
This felt like a good pace. Not too fast. Still room to go slower. There are a few places I would have stayed longer, but overall we were ready to go when we did. And when we wanted to stay longer, we would.
We spent the first half of the month in Arizona and mostly in Tucson. We stayed in that city for almost a week as Mark flew out to join a work event in Florida. The girls and I enjoyed warm sunny days, visiting lots of museums, and swimming in the resort pool.
We visited the museum of miniatures, the Arizona-Sonora museum, and the Biosphere 2. When Mark got back, we explored the Saguaro desert, and spent a day at the Old Tucson attraction.
After we left Tucson, we had a lovely visit at a Harvest Host location that was also an Alpaca farm. The girls loved learning about alpacas, llamas, sheep, and how to care for and make a business out of raising alpacas.
We spent a few days in the super cute town of Bisbee, AZ. We toured the copper mine, and loved walking around the crazy town full of artists, hippies, great restaurants, and funky spaces.
We got a great recommendation to go to the Chiricahua’s which were epically beautiful!
The second half of the month was spent in New Mexico. We took the long, windy road up to the Gila Hot Springs and Gila Cliff Dwellings. We found an amazing campground that was on a river with hot spring pools right next to the banks. Sleeping there put us in the perfect spot for a morning visit to the Gila Cliff Dwellings nearby.
Other adventures in the month included camping at a dark sky campground, seeing a friend in the tiny town of Datil, and visiting the VLA (very large array of satellite dishes).
At the VLA. See the girls?
After a lot of go-go-going, we were very ready for a slowdown. We stopped in Truth or Consequences, NM which is known for it’s abundant hot spring water that is piped all over town into hot springs. We spent several days there soaking, getting massages, doing yoga, exploring the town, doing the local scavenger hunt, and visiting the local history museum. After several days of rest, we were ready to continue on.
Aiming ultimately for White Sands national monument, we made several fun stops on the way — in Las Cruces, camping at the base of the Organ Mountains, and visiting Leasburg Dam State Park.
We had a lovely day at White Sands National Park, sledding down the super soft white sand dunes and meeting two camels.
We also spent a day in Alamogordo where we visited the New Mexico Air and Space Museum. This area has quite the history of NASA involvement as well as missile and bomb testing…
RV repairs took us back north into Albuquerque. We hadn’t planned to go that far north because of the colder weather, but we’re glad we did. We had a lovely visit with an old friend of Mark’s, and Parker got her haircut!
We wanted to spend a day in Roswell, NM, and we picked Bottomless Lakes State Park. We ended up spending the afternoon at the park rather than going into Roswell right away. And we’re so glad we did. It was a gorgeous place and a relaxing day.
Roswell was full of alien kitsch and entertainment. We’d watched a video about Area 51 and the government alien coverup conspiracy which made walking around the town that much more fun.
Our last stop of the month was at the incredible Carlsbad Caverns. These caves are huge, well preserved, and were an amazing place to visit.
Looking back on the month, I’m amazed by how much we’ve seen and done. I joke that each day is a field trip for school, but I think that’s really true. Not a day goes by where we don’t have some amazing experience or learning opportunity or adventure. How blessed I feel that we are able to do this trip and we did all the hard work to make it happen!
